I read this the other day: “Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes.” I can’t stop thinking about it. Not necessarily about the statement as a whole, but about certain aspects of it, especially the goodbyes. That word alone made me think about life a little differently. It made me realize that there are probably endless varieties of goodbyes a person can say. The difficulty lies in choosing which of those goodbyes are necessary in order to become the best version of yourself.

Those goodbyes can come in the form of people, places, things, ideas, habits (both good and bad), hobbies, and even parts of yourself, parts you no longer like or no longer agree with. It’s saying goodbye to aspects of your life that once felt comfortable but are no longer sustainable. And sometimes, that means saying goodbye to people who cannot grow alongside you.

There’s a common misconception that when someone chooses to say these goodbyes and focus on becoming the best version of themselves, it’s a selfish act, that turning inward somehow diminishes our capacity for others. In reality, the opposite is true. If you want to offer stability and care to those around you, you can’t do it from a place of depletion. It has to come from a place of fulfillment. Getting there requires self-investment, not selfishness. It requires reconstruction. And unfortunately, part of that reconstruction often means saying goodbye to those who don’t, or can’t, grasp what that process demands. While this can look like withdrawal from the outside, it isn’t. It’s simply the act of becoming better.

Unfortunately, this isn’t something people talk about very often. Most of us get stuck. I’m just as guilty as the next person. I got stuck. I got comfortable. But at what cost? That’s something I’m still figuring out. There is a cost to being stuck and comfortable, but what rarely gets discussed is the high cost of becoming better. Becoming better demands all the necessary goodbyes, good, bad, hard, and everything in between. Those goodbyes are an investment in yourself, an investment in your own stability, and an investment in becoming more capable of meeting the world in front of you.

There’s still a misconception tied to all of this. Again, it isn’t selfish, it’s intentional. You have to rid your life of what no longer supports you and of who you can no longer afford to be. This isn’t irresponsible, nor is it a retreat from responsibility. It’s a commitment to yourself, a commitment to meet others from a place you may not have been able to meet them before, from a place that is finally steady.

Like snakes, we all have to shed our skin to reveal what’s underneath. That process is long and arduous, but once it’s complete, a better version of yourself emerges. Your eyes are no longer glossy from the old skin; they’re clear and bright, able to see everything from a different perspective. A perspective that understands it isn’t selfish, it’s an investment in becoming the best version of yourself possible. We live in a world that seems obsessed with negativity, tearing each other down and ridiculing every decision someone makes. Stop comparing yourself to others. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. That’s what matters. Take care of yourself before you try to take care of those around you. Disappear for a while. Come back changed, only for the better.